Taralynn’s Desk

Robynne could feel her uncle’s eyes scanning her. “You’re Robert?”

She pushed down the big lump in her throat. Was he really just going to believe her? “Yes. It’s me.” Maybe, just maybe, he could tell. Family members might be able to see through the façade of the female body and…

Taylor chuckled slightly and shook his head. “Okay, yes, that’s a good touch.”

Robynne had a feeling this wasn’t heading in the direction she hoped. “A good touch?”

Her uncle waved his hand, gesturing to her body. “Yes, you’re the spitting image of my late sister-in-law. You actually had me thinking you were a ghost or something for a second.” Taylor sighed and looked around. “Okay, so where is he? I assume he was watching to see my reaction to this whole thing.”

“Where is who?”

“Robert.”

“I am Robert.”

Taylor rolled his eyes. “Look, it was a good prank and all but it’s been a long day. Can you just please tell me where he is?”

Robynne groaned. “Prank? What are you talking about?”

“Look, I can see right through it. My nephew meets you and realizes you look exactly like his mother. He probably tries to think of how he could use this for some kicks and giggles. I come to town unexpectedly and it creates the perfect opportunity to use you. He has trouble reaching you so he has his two roommates stall for time. And now you finally arrive and you had your desired effect. It was funny, but seriously, this joke has gone on long enough.” Taylor cupped his hands and slowly turned in a circle. “Robert,” he yelled, “very funny. You can come out now!”

A gust of wind blew strands of red into Robynne’s face. With a frustrated huff she pushed them aside. “Taylor, it’s me! This isn’t a joke.”

Taylor sighed. “Young lady, I’m sorry, but I had a long flight and an even longer day. I’m not really in the mood to play this game anymore. Could you please just tell me where Robert is?”

She balled her hands into fists. “This… is… no… game.” Robynne fumbled through her brain trying desperately to think of something to get him to believe her. But before she could, Taylor interrupted her thoughts.

“Alright, fine then let’s keep playing. Let’s see how well Robert coached you. Tell me a little bit about yourself. Prove your Robert.”

Yes, her past. This was an opportunity. She could show she knows things only Robert would know. “Proof… all right, um, I was born to Cassandra and Kent Dirken. My mother’s maiden name was Darling.” Robynne stopped. No, this wouldn’t work, these were just facts. Taylor already thought she was just some classmate who Robert had coached. She was going to need to go deeper. Deeper than he would think Robert would go for a prank…

An idea finally came to her. She would take her seriously after this. “When I was a little over two years old my parents left me with Grandma Dirken on a Friday night to go on a date.” Robynne swallowed down a lump. “They got in a head-on wreck with a truck. My dad was killed instantly. My mom hung on for another few hours before finally passing away. You hurried to the hospital as soon as you heard the news and got there right before my mother died. Grandma Dirken was outside the room with me on her lap. I don’t really remember much from it. I was only two after all. I just remember… Grandma crying, being cold, feeling sad, and hating the stale smell of the hospital.”

The wind stopped blowing as the sun finally settled below the trees. Robynne saw her uncle’s lips quiver a bit when she mentioned his brother’s death. He bit on his tongue and shut his eyes. Taylor took a long breath, thinking over his words before finally forcing them out. “This isn’t funny anymore.”

“This isn’t a joke.” Robynne kept her eyes glued to his. She didn’t normally like making eye contact with people but Uncle Taylor had to know she was dead serious about this.

Taylor kept his blue eyes locked onto Robynne’s vibrant greens. After just staring at one another for about five seconds, Taylor glanced up at the night sky. The sound of his voice barely eclipsed the volume of the croaking of the frogs by the distant stream. “Not a joke…” He shuffled back and forth a few times before facing Robynne once more. “All right. Continue. Let me hear some more.”

“More?” Robynne muddled around, trying to come up with more details that would convince him. Something Robert wouldn’t tell a friend. “All right. Well, uh, you… you love football. You used to always tell me stories of my father back when he was the running back for your high school. You’d tell me how he scored four touchdowns in the state championship. That’s, that’s why I tried out for the seventh grade football team. I… I wanted to be a running back like my dad.”

Cory and Eli fidgeted uncomfortably. They looked like they wanted to leave but didn’t dare move because they wanted to be there for their friend. Robynne momentarily thought about how much stress they had gone through for her today, but Taylor brought her back to her story, “Go on.”

“Sorry. I… well I made the team but I was the third string running back behind Sherman Wolf and Kenny Richards. I worked my tail off everyday in practice but I just wasn’t as good as them. Most the time I spent on the field was during punts and kickoffs. I just could never manage to get the yards when I actually got a handoff. I wasn’t as fast as Sherman or as strong as Kenny.”

“When the season ended I was feeling pretty low. I wanted to tryout for the team again next year but I didn’t want to just be third string again. I didn’t want to kill myself in practice everyday and then have nothing to show for it. You saw that I was feeling down and talked to me about it. You pointed out to me that Sherman used his speed to blow by defenders while Kenny used his strength to just run them over. My problem was that I didn’t have a way to deal with people that were trying to tackle me like Sherman and Kenny did. My big problem was that I had poor balance, so that when I was hit, I went down. I needed to learn how to bounce off of the hits and keep on going.”

She didn’t want Cory and Eli to hear the next part. “I didn’t know how to improve my balance. You made a suggestion that I hated so much that I thought you had to be joking: you suggested I take some ballet.” Cory’s and Eli’s eyes bugged out of their skulls. Robynne hated talking about this, and even though she was already a full fledged female, explaining this still felt emasculating. “I ranted about how you were nuts if you thought I was going to take ballet lessons. You then informed me that my dad had taken ballet lessons for this very reason. I didn’t want to believe you but… I knew you wouldn’t lie to me about my dad. You explained how the lessons helped him learn to stay on his feet no matter what position the defender knocked him into. You described how it made his legs much stronger so he could keep moving forward even with someone hanging onto him.”

“You sold me on the idea but I still didn’t want to take the lessons anywhere in town where the other students could find out. You found a studio near the office you worked at and started taking lessons there a month after football season ended. I didn’t, and don’t, like to admit it, but I kind of liked the place. The teacher there was really kind and the girls who were my age made a point to make sure that I didn’t feel awkward even though I was the only guy there. So I went there, took lessons, and found out that I,” Robynne winced, “had a… knack… for ballet.”

Cory and Eli wisely held back chuckles. Taylor sat down on the bench and just pressed his chin to his palm, studying Robynne’s facial expressions like a psychiatrist. “They tried to get me to stay when football season started but there was no way that was going to happen. Even though I… enjoyed myself there, I had gotten what I came for and it was now time for football.”

A smile crept over Robynne’s lips. “I didn’t know if the ballet lessons would pay off until I stepped into my pads. They just felt lighter than they had before. In the hitting drills I was staying on my feet more. I was hitting the holes the offensive line created easier. And most importantly I was shrugging off the first and seconds tackles more. The one and two yard runs I got the year before were turning into five, six, and seven yard runs. It felt great!”

The smile disappeared. “But then I started watching Sherman practice. It wasn’t that Sherman was any faster than he had been in seventh grade. No, it was the fact that I was looking up at Sherman… way up. He had hit puberty like a wrecking ball. He had a beard! A beard! Not peach fuzz like everyone else on the team. In the end I was second string. Better than the year before but still, it was just not what I had been hoping for.”

“Still, I was getting five to eight handoffs a game, much better than the two or three I had been getting. I was even getting a catch or two out of the backfield. I was feeling good… until Randy Fargas found out I had taken ballet.” Robynne’s teeth clenched together. “I still don’t know how he found out, but he made my life miserable.”

Taylor scratched at the back of his neck, obviously mulling the details in his head. “And what did they start calling Robert?”

Robynne’s flinched, her face scrunching up like it was about to be punched. She had never wanted to hear her unfortunate nickname ever again. “The… the Sugar Plum Fairy. Or just ‘Sugar Plum’ for short.”

Taylor stood up and dusted off his pants. He started pacing again. The way he looked down on her reminded Robynne of the way attorneys looked at witnesses in the lawyer shows her uncle liked watching. “But still, it was just the football team. Teammates tease each other all the time. Robert could handle that, right?”

Robynne could hear a challenge in Taylor’s voice. He was testing her now. “Yeah, I could have handled that. But it wasn’t just the football team. The name started spreading throughout the school. Everybody but the teachers and the janitor started calling me Sugar Plum.” Robynne sighed woefully. “Even Jenny Coles.”

“And who is Jenny Coles?”

“She was the girl I had a crush on. Oh gummi, her dark brown eyes were gorgeous.” Taylor raised an eyebrow at the word ‘gummi’. “I finally worked up the courage to try and ask her on a date… and she just gave me this apologetic face and said, ‘No offense but I don’t really want people to think I’m dating the Sugar Plum Fairy. They might start making fun of me. Sorry.’ And then she just retreated back to the comfort of the crowded hallway.” Robynne shook her head. “That was when I hit rock bottom. And that’s when I decided I wanted to get as far away from anyone who had heard of the Sugar Plum Fairy as I could.”

Taylor kept pacing and staring at the sky. He shook his head and adjusted his gaze to the floor. “I have to admit… my nephew has coached you good.”

Robynne’s heart wrenched a little. “Coached? You still don’t believe me? I’ve been bearing my soul to you! You know how much I hate all this touchy-feely stuff!”

“Young lady, you’re expecting me to believe that my nephew has been turned into a girl. I don’t care how much soul you’re bearing. You expect me to believe that?”

“And you believe that I would do some kind of prank involving my dead mother? That’s a little dark for my tastes, don’t ya think? Or how about pranks in general? When have I ever pulled pranks? Sure I’m sarcastic, but I’ve never been a prank puller!”

Taylor shrugged. “Robert is a teenager. Teenagers can sometimes do dumb things like tasteless jokes. As for not being much of a prankster, Robert has been away for over a month and could easily have been influenced by his two friends here.” Cory and Eli took a step backwards. “Not all that hard to explain away. Especially not compared to the claim that my nephew is now a young woman.”

The knot formed in Robynne’s stomach. She knew it was far-fetched, but it hurt her that her uncle wouldn’t believe her. “What about the whole thing about ballet and the Sugar-Plum Fairy? You think I would just tell that to some girl for some joke? You know how much I despised all that stuff. Why would I risk bringing it all up again when I ran away from it?”

Taylor tossed his hands into the air. “I don’t know. Maybe you just found Robert’s sensitive side and got him to open up.”

Robynne’s mouth dropped open. “My sensitive side? You’re the one who always lectures me about opening up more!”

“And maybe Robert finally listened!” Taylor sighed and sat back down. “Look, the sun is down. This joke has literally wasted all the daylight. I just want to see my nephew.”

“I am your nephew!”

“Oh, then if you’re my nephew then maybe you’d like to explain why you’re a girl. You see, when I sent Robert down here I was pretty sure he was male. So what happened? Did one of these government-experiments-gone-wrong that seem to frequent this area hit you with some kind of science-fictiony gender ray?”

Robynne scratched her elbow. This wasn’t going to go over well. “Well, not the monsters. But, you know those magical cheerleaders that fight them?”

Taylor smacked his forehead. “The magical cheerleaders? Really? You’re going to actually try to convince me that magical cheerleaders are involved? You’re crazy if you think I’m so gullible that I’d believe that. Look, all I want to know is where Robert is?”

Robynne bit on her bottom lip and took a deep breath. “Donut, Uncle Taylor! I am Robert. I know it’s hard to believe! Forget hard, I know it’s impossible to believe! But I thought you’d see through all this garbage and realize I’m telling the truth! I don’t know why I thought that but… I guess I just thought you would because… because… you’re all that I have left!”

Despite her best efforts tears started welling in the corners of Robynne’s eyes. “Taylor, I… I should have called you when all this happened. It was stupid, I know. I was scared. I didn’t know how you’d react. I try to pretend that I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks but… I do care. And I especially care when it comes to you.”

Robynne gulped, trying to push her tears away with it. Why was she crying? She needed to compose herself. She couldn’t blow it now. “I know how much you sacrificed for me. When, when Granny died no one would have blamed you if you just tried to find a good family for me. Nobody would have thought less of you. Heck, some could argue it would have been better for both of us. After all, you were in your early twenties and still trying to get your degree so you could go onto dental school.”

Taylor’s eyes narrowed and his mouth opened slightly. He studied Robynne as if he was seeing her for the first time. His expression softened as he listened to the young woman struggle to express herself.

“But you didn’t do that. You dealt with the grief over the loss of your mother, got licensed to be a dental hygienist, and took care of me like I was your own son. And you did it all by yourself. And you never complained once about it. No one else would do that for me. No one else… loves me enough to do something like that.”

“I took that for granted, Taylor.” She couldn’t hold it back anymore as the tears forced their way to the surface. “I was only thinking of myself and I didn’t think at all how much you’d be hurt when the person you sacrificed so much for seemingly shut you out of their life. I’m sorry. I just… please believe me! I need you, Uncle. I can’t…”

Taylor rose up to his full height and towered over the girl. Stepping forward, he wrapped his niece in his arms and pulled her into his embrace. The knot in Robynne’s stomach disappeared as she hugged him back. She felt her shoulders loosen, unaware that they had been tensed up.

There was a strength in his embrace that went beyond his muscles. She didn’t know how to describe it, but with the chaos and distress of the past few hours the feeling of being in her uncle’s arms was soothing. All her frustrations and problems momentarily faded from her mind. Everything was the way it should be.

“I’m sorry for not believing you, Robert.”

Robynne wiped away her tears. “It’s okay, uncle. I would’ve thought you had lost it if you had believed me off the bat.”

Cory cleared his throat. “Well, I just think we’ll get going to… elsewhere.”

Eli nodded and walked away with all the grace of a wooden toy. “Yeah, I think we’ll just go get some food or stuff.”

As the pair walked away, Taylor pulled back slightly and looked down on Robynne. “Except for your hair being straight you look exactly like your mother… what the hell is going on here, Robert?”

She gave a nervous smile. “You know those magical cheerleaders I mentioned.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, uh, as it turns out, I’m… kind of one of them.”

Taylor bit down on his bottom lip and cocked his head to one side. He gazed upward, staring straight into the halogen glow of the parking lot lights. After a few moments of staring, he puffed his cheeks out and then pursed his lips slightly, letting the air rush out into the nighttime sky. “Huh.”

This is the chapter I’ve been building up to for a very, very, very long time. The flow of the conversation between Robynne and Uncle Taylor was something that has had me pacing about my room talking to myself for well over a year now. I tried my best for it flow, to jive, and to work. It’s just hard to make something like trying to convince your family that you’ve changed gender while you were gone seem like a normal conversation. It’s just not normal… also having conversations with yourself isn’t normal either. It was only for story purposes, I swear!

So yeah, this was the big chapter for me. Super Bowl of writing if you will. If you didn’t notice I tried to throw little tidbits in throughout the conversation to try and give hints (some more subtle than others) about the reasons for some of Robynne’s previous actions and attitudes.

One of the things I did to try to make this conversation more real is giving people full names when telling a story. I don’t know what it is about being a teenager in middle school, but I knew everyone’s first and last names. Maybe it was because of roll call at the beginning of class each year but I knew everyone’s last names and in stories I just always remember using the full names when talking to adults.

I debated back and forth what I should make Uncle Taylor’s occupation. I finally settled on dental hygienist because… well it’s not a bad paying job. It actually pays out fairly well and it has good job security to it. I guess I liked it most though because it helped display the sacrifice Taylor went to in raising Robert. He wanted to be a dentist (much more lucrative) but ultimately settled for less so he could pay the bills. It wasn’t the steepest reduction in pay, but it shows sacrifice I think.

I really loved Taylor’s reaction at the very end. For some reason “Huh” is the only response that made sense to me. I mean, what can you really say to that? It’s just crazy but it’s true. “Huh” was the best response! If anyone else says otherwise they are dirty, filthy, liars! Liars I say!

Well, I hope you liked the episode. I know it might not feel real to everyone (your mileage may vary) but I hope you can at least appreciate the emotional rigor I tried to put the characters through. It isn’t the easiest writing so I don’t expect you all to think it was perfect. I just hope you found it enjoyable and worth your time.

Thanks for reading,
Taralynn Andrews