VUA-Ch 1: The Monologuing of Daniel Erie

“Hmm, 10-91b… 10-91b… a loud pet? Definitely not worth my time.” Spook continued to flip through his Police Code key that he had been given by the Department of Enhanced Vigilante Oversight. Adjusting his police scanner earpiece, he sighed, “Quiet night in Pinnacle City, tonight.”

“Still,” Spook mused to himself, “that is a good thing. I guess I shouldn’t be hoping for bad things to happen just so I can save the day. The best thing for society would be if there was no need for people like me… still how can I expect to move up to a class-C vigilante if I don’t find more difficult assignments?”

“11-44 at the corner of Commerce and Williams. Please send a dispatch to investigate.”

“Hmmm, an 11-44—that is a… suspicious vehicle. Let’s see, Commerce and Williams, oh that’s only five blocks from here. Just a jump away. Might as well check it out. Could turn into something.” Spook rested his foot on the ledge and gazed down from the roof of the newly finished Paragon Technologies Tower. As he judged the distance of his jump, he scratched his chin. “One day I’m going to have to thank Mr. Paragon for being kind enough to erect a convenient sky scraper right in the middle of Pinnacle City.”

Closing his eyes, his white skin turned as black as obsidian, his homemade green jacket turned blood red, and his black gloves turned a powdery white. Even more amazing was his entire body became more and more translucent, until you could see through him as well as a reflection in a glass window.

“I wonder what Paragon Technologies would do if they knew their shipping manager could this!” Running forward, he leaped off the skyscraper. Strangely, he didn’t seem to accelerate downwards, but rather floated down at a constant speed, as if gravity didn’t fully apply to him. “I strongly doubt that anyone in the company would expect the calm, unassuming Daniel Erie moonlighted as an up-and-coming super-hero! Indeed, who would expect that I watched over them like a watchful… no, no, that’s redundant… specter protector in the night? Yeah, much better! Spook the Specter Protector! Just got to find a way to get that to catch on.”

His body regained its natural, corporeal form as he landed on the roof of an apartment complex on the corner of Commerce and Williams. “Vigilant as can be, the hero peers over the edge of the building in hopes of ascertaining the reason for the police call on a suspicious vehicle.” As he peered over the edge of the building, in hopes of ascertaining the reason for the police call on a suspicious vehicle, he was surprised by just how suspicious it really was.

Next to the building was a purple and black convertible with a large F on the hood. Near the back of the car was an object that reminded him of a jet-thruster. But most curious of all, was the fact that the car was partially see-through. “Suspicious indeed! No normal car would have need for thrusters! And why is it transpicuous… transparent? I think they mean the same thing… anyhow, you can see through it. And that’s abnormal at the best and nefarious at the worst!”

“Hmm, that F seems vaguely familiar to me. And the violet and black color scheme definitely strikes a villainous tone! Judging from its unfamiliar design it is probably custom-made. Thrusters and semi-functional camouflage hint at a technological savant!”

“But what need has a villain of an apartment complex? What could be of worth for him to steal? Or perhaps he is not here someTHING but someONE! Yes, most likely he is about to kidnap someone for his or her nefarious… no I already used nefarious… his or her dastardly schemes! Yes, most assuredly this is a scheming fiend!”

“Luckily for the greater Pinnacle City area, I am he who passes through the walls of injustice! I am the hero who possesses the soul of fortitude! I am–”

A large brick struck him across the back of the head, dropping him like a sack of potatoes. A shadowy figure dressed in a white lab coat, high-tech gloves, and fashionable goggles tossed the brick playfully in the air. “—out cold!”

* – * – *

“Nnnnnng, my head.” Spook’s eyes fluttered open. Why was everything light blue? Was something wrong with his vision? What happened? He lifted his hand and saw that it wasn’t tinted light blue. Where was he?

“Ahhhh, it seems our would-be hero has awakened.” The words sounded like they came from everywhere. Shaking his head (which caused no small amount of pain given the killer headache he had), Spook tried to get a better feel for his surroundings. He wasn’t quite sure where he was, but he was certain it wasn’t the rooftop he remembered landing on. “How do you like your accommodations? I made it special for you so I’d like to hear your thoughts.”

“Huh?” Spook’s blurry vision cleared up and finally figured out where he was… sort of. While his exact location was still a mystery to him, he figured out he was in some kind of plastic tube. Beyond the blue tint of the tube stood a man with purplish hair. He wrung his hands evilly with a victorious, if not reckless smile. Spook immediately recognized the F emblazoned on his lab coat. “Hey! You’re guy whose car I was investigating!”

“Wow, you’re a smart one. Public education at its finest.”

“You look familiar to me… do I know you?”

The villain laughed. “Do you know me? I’m hurt. I know I’m not Megalomania Trick or The Counselor, but I would think the name Dr. Faded would have reached Pinnacle City by now.”

Spook folded his arms and closed his eyes. “Dr. Faded… Dr. Faded… Dr. Faded!” He snapped and pointed. “Now I remember! You’re the guy that kidnapped the mayor of Gaussberg and forced her to wear gogo boots or something. What was up with that?”

Dr. Faded sighed. “You can never count on the media to report anything correctly these days. First of all, it wasn’t a week, it was a month. Second of all, the boots were a trigger; if she took them off, the 45 bombs I had hidden throughout Gaussberg would go off.”

“Why on earth would you do that? Seems like just a shameless publicity stunt on your part.”

Faded shrugged, punching idly on his oversized computer. “Well, it partially was. Good PR is hard to come by and gogo boot bomb triggers make for a great lead for the six o’clock news. But mostly it was a distraction.”

“A distraction?”

“Of course! You heroes never see the big picture. With the threat of bombs all over the city, the police were too busy searching for my explosives to properly guard their city’s biochemical disposal plant. I was able to walk away with several hard to find and highly illegal mutagenic chemicals without fighting a soul. After I got the chemicals I wanted, I made my way to Gaussberg University. Their animal science and electrical engineering departments had teamed up on an interesting project where they created a computer chip that could be implanted on the spine of an animal. This computer chip could then be used to pacify the animal and even control it through the use of electrical stimulation. Quite ingenious really. They successfully made a rabid panther eat from their hands like a harmless little kitten.”

Spook rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“Anyways, with the cops busy, it was no problem slapping aside University security and taking that chip for my own personal study.”

“Sounds like you did all this in about a day. Why was she stuck wearing them for a month?”
Dr. Faded chuckled. “Because that’s how long it took for them to find and disarm all the bombs. The bomb squads took their sweet time after what happened at the first bomb.”

“And dare I ask what happened at the first bomb?”

“Well, you don’t set up 45 bombs without including some precautions against the bomb squad. They were a bit careless on the first one and unleashed my trap!”

“And your trap didn’t just blow them up?”

“What? No! You have to at least be sporting about it.”

“Right! Sporting. I should have known.”

“No, it unleashed a gas that caused all their hair to fall out.”

“That’s it? Their hair just fell out?”

“What do you mean, ‘That’s it?’ What did you want me to do? Spread some terrible disease? I’m a villain, not a bioterrorist. Besides, you’d be surprised at how much more deliberate someone will go about someone when they fear they’ll lose something they treasure so much. I mean, most people on bomb squads are getting up in years anyway. Any hair they have is precious to them.”

“Whatever, so you got yourself a chemistry set and a new processor. Yeah, you’re really an evil genius. Unfortunately for you, you messed with the wrong hero, pal.”

Dr. Faded smiled and folded his arms. “Did I now?”

Spook smirked. This guy obviously hadn’t done his homework. You can’t contain a guy who can walk through walls in a plastic tube. He was going to get to deliver a speech and everything. He loved it when he had enough time to go completely by the book. “Mad scientists like you are a dime a dozen. You think just because you’re smarter than everyone that you get to run the show. Unfortunately for you, I’m here to send you back to the school of hard knocks known as prison!”

Faded shook his head. “That’s the second time you said, ‘Unfortunately for you.’ My goodness, I knew you were a monologuer but, for the love of Lex Luthor, can’t you at least be good at it?”
Spook had been ready to phase through his cage, but he got really distracted by the doctor’s comment. “What? I’m not a monologuer!”

The sound echoing throughout the lab, Dr. Faded laughed uncontrollably. “You kidding me&#x203D While you were up on the roof of that apartment complex, you were so busy monologuing that you didn’t even notice me sneak up behind you and knock you out with a brick! Your power is to ‘ghost’ through solid matter, and yet you were defeated by a guy armed with only a brick! Do you even realize how sad that is?”

“Oh yeah… well… take this… for justice!” Spook was going to shut this guy up. Once again his skin turned as dark as the night itself and as transparent as glass. He took a small step back, then charged forward. The plan was simple: run through the tube like it wasn’t even there, jump into the villain, possess the villain, and walk the villain straight to the police department. It was going to be so easy! Catching a semi-high profile villain would surely get him up to a class-C vigilante! Then he would get a stipend and…

“ACK!” His body slammed into the inner-lining of the tube like it was a brick wall. Staggering backward, he grabbed his now tender forehead. “What the hell? Did I forget to turn on my powers?” He put his hands against the tube and pushed as hard as he could. “Why can’t I phase through this&#x203D”

Taking a deep breath, Dr. Faded let loose a truly trademarkable evil laugh. “Surprised you can’t just waltz through my cell? I told you I made it special for you!”

Spook pressed his shoulder against his impenetrable tube. “What the heck is this&#x203D”

Dr. Faded adjusted his goggled wickedly. “You see, hero, I’ve been studying you for about a month now. Though a B-class vigilante is normally someone that would go unnoticed by a villain as accomplished as I, your powers were quite the puzzle to me. On one hand, you pass through solid objects and leave no structural damage. That would suggest your powers are based on large scale quantum tunneling. On the other hand, you also have the power to possess people’s bodies like a ghost or demon. That would suggest maybe your powers are more supernatural in nature. Instead of piddling away energy trying to figure out how your powers worked, I invented a material that worked well for both problems!”

Knocking on the tube playfully, the Doctor gloated over the trapped hero. “The cell you see before you is an aromatic polymer that that is doped with hafnium at temperatures within a few degrees of absolute zero. The resulting material displays a high dielectric constant and has proven to be highly effective against ectoplasmic entities. I dub it–Faderulzene®!”

Spook fruitlessly punched at the walls a few times before he was satisfied that he couldn’t get through. “Faderulzene®? Fader rules? Seriously?”

“Look at you! Connecting the dots and everything! Your mother would be so proud.”

“That has to be the dumbest name I’ve ever heard for anything… ever… forever… anywhere.”

“You know, maybe it’s a good thing that you like monologuing, because your dialoguing is even worse. I’ve heard nuns with sharper retorts than you.”

“Who cares about the quality of my comebacks. It doesn’t matter if I can’t get out of this tube. In time, the Department of Enhanced Vigilante Oversight will notice I’m missing and the search will go out! I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d be here within the hour.”

Dr. Faded brushed back his purple hair and chuckled. “You are such a DEVO dork! You actually think they’ll come looking for you?”

“Of course they do! I’m on file and everything!”

“Oh, well then, excuse me! You’re on file! Must mean they’re making sure you’re still doing your vigilante thing every night. Pa-lease! DEVO is part of the government; you’re lucky if they even spelled your name right on your file, Daniel Erie!” Spook’s eyes shot wide open. “Oh yes, I know who you are. As I said, I’ve been following you for a month.”

Clenching his wrist into a ball, a post with three prongs extended from his glove. The prongs spun like blades on a helicopter and in mere moments a round disk with cameras along the side was circling the tube. “You’d be amazed what I can find out with my personal surveillance drones. Like the fact that you’re a shipping manager at Paragon Technologies Tower, you watch channel six news while you eat your bowl of Cap’n Crunch every morning, you sleep with your socks on, and you haven’t been on a date in the entire month I’ve been following you.”

Spook grinded his teeth together. “Hey! I’m still trying to get this whole double-life thing down!”

“Don’t worry about it, Daniel. I’ll be helping you with the double-life existence soon enough.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Dr. Faded tapped his chin. “Hmm, how to put this. How to put this.” He folded his arms behind his back and leaned forward, grinning like a fox. “Let’s just say at this time tomorrow you’re going to be a lot more pleasant to me… and a hell of a lot more pleasant to look at too.”

Spook pounded at the Faderulzene® tube one more time. “Dr. Faded, I swear I’m going to bust out of here! And when I do you’re going to regret it.”

Dr. Faded snorted. Then chuckled. Then he laughed so hard a tear actually came down his face. “Oh, bust out, huh? Oh my! That’s so rich!”

“Grr, what’s so funny&#x203D”

Faded snapped, then the sound of hissing filled the tube. “You’ll find out tomorrow, would-be hero. In the meantime, enjoy your guestroom.” The faint smell of lilacs invaded the captive hero’s nose. Remembering what the villain said about the Gaussberg Bomb Squad he quickly rubbed his hair to make sure it didn’t fall out. “Oh no, the gas isn’t designed to do that.”

“Then what is it designed to do, you maniac?”

“I’m leaving that surprise for tomorrow. Rest up, Daniel. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for you. Hehe… no, but it just might help engender a new outlook on life for you. Hehehehe… but seriously, you’re going to need your strength to support you through the ordeal! MUWAHAHAHAHA! Support… hehehe… I kill myself.”

The Villains’ Union of America is now officially starting. Pretty nice artwork from Kamizite. I like to think the chapter was entertaining. I hope you liked it. I really love being able to write cheesy dialogue, especially from a villain and hero. It’s like all the stuff I’ve been wanting to do ever since seeing Super Friends when I was little.

So what is it that Dr. Faded plans to do. There certainly isn’t any way of knowing. Nope… no foreshadowing whatsoever. Looks like we can only GUESS at what he plans on doing with Spook. There certainly isn’t any foreshadowing in Kamizite’s last picture. Nope, none whatsoever.

So this comic will update every time we hit the $50 donation mark. I know you might be thinking, “Hey, we haven’t been required to pay for stuff before!” Well, you’re not required to donate, this story is just incentive to. And we don’t care how much or how little you might want to donate. We’ll accept a quarter if that’s all you got. Everything adds up. You also might be saying, ‘But I’m just a teenager and have no credit card.” Fear not because we have an address where you can use traditional mail to send it to. You need not be held by the bonds of Paypal any longer (though feel free to use it. We certainly don’t mind ^_^ ) and can donate as you wish to us!

You may have noticed an odd punctuation mark throughout the chapter. is an interrobang! Basically it performs the same function as !? in a sentence, expressing a surprised question. I learned this thanks to Pip. Go look it up on wikipedia. I know it’s not widely used but I’ve fallen in love with this little punctuation mark and I intend to use it! It’s so much fun!

The next chapter is going to be a visual assault. Kamizite is already working on the 4-5 pics he has planned, some of which will be animations. Please donate! As I said before, every donation helps!

Stay villainous!
Taralynn Andrews

6 thoughts on “VUA-Ch 1: The Monologuing of Daniel Erie”

  1. Well this looks promising, I’d like to see what marvelous Idea’s you have for the superheros and the villains.

  2. LoL, monologuing hero and Prank villain. Those two seriously need a hobby ^_^

    Nice fic 😀

  3. Well I am sure I have no idea that Dr Faded is going to turn Spook into a big titted bimbo villainess love slave… oops – did I just give the game away?
    I like this – it seems to follow a similar idea to DDG and a couple other web comics – if the donations come in regularly we will be fine but in today’s economic climate money is hard to come by and I fear this story will update sporadically if at all.

  4. Poor Spook, working his way up the scale and now he got caught by a man with a brick. That has got to hurt the pride just a little.

    Funny stuff.

  5. GAAAAH! The puns are too much!

    ….but very amusing once you get used to the capital punishment. Very punny.

  6. Excellent stuff. I really love superhero writing and this is prime stuff. The puns are of course terrible, but par for the course when it comes to superheroes. I eagerly await the next installment.

    I especially like the distinction Faded makes between normal villains and ecoterrorists. It’s a point I’ve been trying to make for years.

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